Archive | February, 2014

A letter to teenage Charlie…

20 Feb

I was reading a few articles where people had written a letter out to their teenage self, if they could tell themselves something, if they could advise themselves, what would they of said, what would they have warned themselves about. I thought it was a really interesting idea and wondered what would I inform myself of. As it turns out, quite therapeutic.

Hey Charlie,

Its me, well you in a decade or so, here are a few things I thought I’d give you a little heads up on.

Love: First and foremost, you are young, don’t even worry about relationships yet, there’s lots of time for that. Secondly why do you have to go for the unworthy knobs? You are going to look back and think WTF? There’s no rush, you won’t gain nothing from being in a relationship just to avoid loneliness. Don’t choose men with the intent to change them, remember that religion and culture are big factors that you can’t really influence, stop trying to live up to someone else’s expectations, you will never meet it. You choose people as indecisive as you. I know you don’t have feelings for the ones that would throw a fucking parade if they could be with you, but don’t just keep them there for your security, they have feelings too.
You really need to stop the “make sure there is no going back thing” your a bitch, stop it. Men need reassurance too, stop being so emotionless, they think you don’t give a shit, you make them feel easily replaceable. Don’t waste your time just for the sake of it, follow your instincts. What you want and expect will change. Don’t expose the depression too much, it scares ppl, they can’t deal with it, you’ll have to deal with that alone.

God: Guess what? Your going to become a Muslim, and a rather dedicated one at that, what are you laughing at, I’m serious! When you get to that point, stop Charlie, stop rushing, just stop… Think. Don’t do this out of fear of death. What are your reasons? How do you know this is the truth, undoubtedly ? Are you truly doing this for yourself? Take your time, read into it, learn about it, look at it from all perspectives before you make your declaration of faith. If you didn’t have the influences you have in your life right now, would you be doing this? You change your mind a lot, just take your time and don’t go in all guns blazing.  The people who are in your life right now are not going to be there for long, the people you will meet are not sincere, everyone will change, the excuses will change. Things will change a lot before you even realise you have changed, and it will be harder to come out of, than it is to go in. Make changes because you want to, not because you feel you have to. I know you don’t like being told what to do right now, but your entire life will end up dictated to you, you probably can’t even imagine that right now. You do need it, you will learn from it, it will change you and humble you a bit, but it will be an emotional rollercoaster. You will feel calm for a bit, things won’t stay that way, as for after that, I haven’t got that far yet.

Self confidence: Stop complaining, join the gym as soon as possible, you’re going to complain about not starting earlier. You’re still a little insecure, can’t help you there, but you’re actually going to lose the confidence that you currently front. Just remember You are beautiful, you don’t need to prove that to anyone, everyone has their own beauty, you don’t need to feel insecure based on other peoples ideals. Don’t let your insecurities make you make the wrong decisions.

Studies/career: Stop being a fucking knob, yes life is a bit shit but your only ruining your own prospects, you’re going to do quite well anyway but you could do a lot better if you made some sort of effort.  You’ll be ok, keep trying it will turn out better than you think it will. Erm after uni, find a place, get a job there!! There’s nothing interesting waiting for you in London, but make sure you visit your grandparents, they’re lonely, they’re not happy and they won’t be here much longer, do the right thing, its more important.

Family: I know its been difficult, you will get through it, forgive her, she doesn’t understand. Be there for everyone, but don’t stay too close, you can’t deal with it, you will get on better that way. He won’t forgive you, its ok, be there for them, but you don’t need them, they’ll tell you that you can’t, they’ll tell you your incapable, but you’ve got this far, you don’t need to reconstruct your child hood now. Fuck it, its done leave it in the past! They wasn’t there when you needed them, you don’t need babying now, pretending you’re incapable will not achieve you what you think it will.

Socially: You’ve probably learnt this already now, but don’t be afraid to do things alone. Travel too, do it, you haven’t done it yet alone, but take that leap you have more confidence now than you will in a few years time. Your life will still be undecided at 25, don’t hold back from doing things expecting to have to settle down by 25, you won’t need to, disappear, enjoy, don’t let your loneliness get to you, people will come and go, don’t put too much into it. I know you just want to let people in, but you’ll have to be prepared to be hurt a little. Don’t live your life for other people, you have to face your own consequences. As for what people think, who give a hoot! You know what is right in your heart, remember that.

Overall life isn’t too bad, you’ll be ok, it gets better before it gets worse, but I suppose that’s life, there are ups and downs. Nothing is set in stone, life will take turns that you aren’t expecting or didn’t plan for. As much as I’d like to correct my mistakes, these experiences are the things that make us who we are, experiencing the lows is what guides the path to the highs. The negatives construct knowledge of how to do things better next time. I still don’t know what I’m doing and I don’t know what the future holds for me, and yes I do let it get to me sometimes, but I’ll just imagine a future me in 10 years time saying that things will all turn out OK, just do what you feel is right :).

Always here for you Charlie,
Lots of love,
You
xxx