Archive | August, 2013

OMG your so fat, we need to put you on a diet!

11 Aug

Yeah I said it! Offended? A bit blunt? A bit rude? I agree. Just as that is not acceptable why is it socially acceptable to go to a thin person and say:
“Omigod, you are so skinny”
“Omigod you are so tiny”
“We need to feed you”
“Men like women with some meat on their bones”
“Do you eat?”
“Urgh its not even attractive to be that thin”
“Why do you go to the gym are you trying to disappear?”

Let me just translate that for you so you can understand how it would sound to a “normal” sized person:
“Omigod, you are so fat”
“Omigod you are so big”
“We need to control your eating”
“Men like women without those flabby bits hanging over”
“Do you ever stop eating”
“Urgh its not even attractive to be that chunky”
“Why don’t you go to the gym more are you trying to be bed bound?”

Why do people not understand to refer to someone as skinny or their skinniness in a negative connotation is just as rude and just as hurtful. At some point the media decided to promote the idea that the desired female body shape was a thin one, so thin models, thin celebrities emerged etc. This led to a somewhat defensive take from societies larger women, which leaked into media and stuck. The defensive point that “real” women don’t look like that, “real” women eat, men like women like this and so on and so forth. I get that the media and magazines are trying to support the “real” women of the world, to make them feel better, that they don’t have to fit a mould, but in the meantime made those that are thin to be perceived as something ugly. “Urgh you are not big enough” and a lot of it actively insults thin women. Inevitably doing the same thing the media did to other women by now giving thin women a mould to fit.

I personally am naturally thin, I literally cannot change that, I eat more than most of my friends and family, it can take me a whole year to gain a couple pounds and if I don’t eat the same large portions for a couple of days I will lose weight fairly quickly. Now is there something wrong with me? No. Am I purposely trying to be this size? No. But I’m not a “real” woman? How can people not see that, that would be hurtful. When someone tells a larger women she doesn’t meet the size criteria for someone’s ideal of beauty, it’s fine, someone else will find her beautiful. For thin women, the put downs result in their femininity and adulthood being taken away from them. They have a menstrual cycle, they have lady parts, some have the anatomy to have children, maybe I’m wrong but I think that makes them “real” women.

You might feel bad about yourself to boost your self-confidence you want to stick your middle finger up to the world and say “I don’t need conform to your idea of beauty”, but why do you then need to insult skinny women and make them feel like less of a woman, making them feel just as you did?  In the bid to promote the love of a plus size body we are demeaning those that are naturally thin. Should it not be a movement to accept that women are all beautiful in their own way?A movement of positive body acceptance, rather than a battle of who is better.

Not all women have curves!! I myself have body issues because of all these constant comments and negativity, but its not noticed, its something normal. Stuffing myself near puking point, oh its necessary because she needs to put on a few pounds.I joined the gym to try gain weight through muscle and keep fit, people will make demeaning comments about that. At one point I was buying herb supplements from an online distributer in Thailand, that promised me some curves and ended up with ovarian cysts. Bleeding for a month because of the over-supplemented amount of pro-oestrogen I was putting in my body, to try and be more womanly. In relationships I can’t fathom how they find me attractive and think I need to put on weight before they find a more attractive curvy woman to take their fancy, because media and society tell me I’m not good enough as me. Its not healthy but with my body issues I don’t turn around and think, hey I’m going believe I’m beautiful so I need to go and make negative digs at women bigger than me, because maybe if they feel worse about themselves it might make me feel better. I know that its not nice to make anyone else not feel good about themselves, especially in regards to things they cannot change. When people come up to me and feel it is fine to make negative skinny comments, I am tempted to say the same thing back, not to make them feel bad, but to make them realise how offensive they are being. Why is it acceptable to put down a skinny woman but it is not acceptable to do the same to a larger woman.

I have come to realise there is no one size fits all when it comes to beauty, some of my friends wish they had my body, and wish I had theirs. The men attracted to me like the way I look, accept the way I look and the men that are attracted to curvy women would not, and that’s fine.
I’m not quite at the body acceptance stage myself and am on a mission to try to gain weight because that is the idea of beauty that has been drummed into me, but I’d just like people to understand how we feel and think before they make a comment to put someone down just to make themselves feel better.I hope to one day be able to love and accept my body as beautiful. real-men-like-curves-meme

We will not change our culture!!

9 Aug

Okay, I’m not quite sure where my haphazard blog is going right now, but another opinion inspired by an article.  My Aunt sent me an article in French, which I had to get translated by Google Translate, my good old buddy. Going off on a tangent, so she sent me this article:

untitledI may be wrong, correct me if I am, but what I got from it was that it is an article about the refusal to remove pork from schools. This refusal is linked to the protest from Muslim parents who either do not want pork served in schools or do not wish for pork to be served to their children, making the situation rather different if one or the other, but I am not entirely sure to confirm either. The refusal comes from the mayor Jean Leonetti, who apposes these changes for immigrants as religion should be a private thing and immigrants who come to France should adapt to the Judeo-Christian country they are choosing to immigrate to, if they wish for their own culture they should stay in a Muslim country where they can be accommodated. Basically to summarise that they are not going to change their culture.

That is fine and dandy, I agree that a whole nation should not have to change for immigrants that come in. People should understand that they will need to adapt a bit to live in a new society and it may not fit their social norms. However if it is refusal of accommodating a significant number of the population, its not something I agree with. So I don’t see why pork would need to be totally removed from a school unless it was full of mainly Jewish and Muslim children, but if the argument is to accommodate Muslim children in schools, for example having a halal or vegetarian option then I believe they should be considered. If there were French nationals that wanted a vegetarian option, should their belief’s be shunned and be given meat because it part of the generic culture to eat meat? No of course not. Maybe I live in a society where we are overtly accommodating which is why I don’t have a “have what is given to you” mentality.

People are so often mistaken that all Muslims are immigrants, if all the non-French Muslims left the country there would still be ethnically French people who are Muslims, its just as diverse of a religion as Christianity, which people often do not consider. Religion is often a lifestyle choice, should we not all be entitled to that? And not have a generic lifestyle of the country forced upon people. This applies anywhere, the right as a human being to choose how we live our lives as long as there is no harm to others. Whether it is pork being forced upon Muslims in France or non-Muslims not being allowed to eat during Ramadan in a Muslim country, I disagree with imposing beliefs and practices on anyone. Before anyone goes down the “but you couldn’t do it in their countrpaintemy” route or “they wouldn’t give you the rights” is a bit of a silly statement, its like saying oh this person is a twat so I’m going to be one too. I believe in being the bigger person regardless, I believe that we should treat other people how we want to be treated and therefore give the rights to others that we would want for ourselves. How can you create a better environment whilst pointing the finger at someone and then doing exactly the same thing, we must be the best people we can be first.

Yes everyone can just go back to where they came from and live the life they wish with ease, but that promotes racial and ethnic segregation which I do not believe in. Should we not all be able to interact with each other and appreciate our differences, different beliefs, values and lifestyles and be able to live amongst each other, why not? Stringency of culture doesn’t appeal to me in the slightest, after all how long has that specific culture lasted? Cultures, languages, dress, food, social etiquettes,  have always changed over the years in accordance to the changes within the population. You may think that can be used as an argument for people to change themselves, but in history most, if not all countries have changed from external influences and even internal adaptions. For example if we even look back in  recent history merely 60-100 years ago it was a very different lifestyle having an Italian, Indian or Japanese restaurant in the UK was unheard of. Miniskirts and skinny jeans would have looked completely ridiculous and immodest etc. What is acceptable and normal now would probably not have been then, or vice versa, change is inevitable.  Which is why I don’t understand this newfound need to hold on to culture exactly as it is out of fear of change, things will always change. At the moment the west lives in a culture of choice and individuality, so why then is there a need to impose our views on others if it doesn’t fit ours.

Born temptresses

7 Aug

“Girls are never innocent, they are born knowing, alluring seductresses at any age, asking for it, in one way or another.” Poly Toynbee

Click image for article “Misogyny runs so deep in this society, it is even used against abused children”

This article has disgusted me beyond belief, but yet has not brought anything new to light. Controversial enough when adult women are addressed as nothing more than walking talking temptresses, but to blame a damaged little girl. Whether she had approached the man or not, he was a 42 year old grown man that is aware that she is a child, is he not capable of refusing a sexual advance? Does a sexual advance from a 13 year old girl not ring alarm bells in his head that there is some serious psychological damage to this young girl. The fact that men are not insulted by the fact they are considered as uncontrollable animals as a defence is quite despicable. Which I am pretty sure if they were addressed in such a way on a personal level they would most definitely be offended. So why is the blanket statement for men accepted?

Its not anything new that women who use sex to get attention, are often damaged women who seek some form of love and affection. Children are not born with knowledge they learn from their experiences as most of us do, so if a neglected child has experienced her only form of affection and attention through abuse, it is quite inevitable that she would build this link and perhaps use this method to seek love and affection. I think it is absolutely despicable that anyone would use such obvious psychological damage against her, which will most probably affect her psychological health as well as her future relationships as an adult, to get this scumbag off free. Such Ignorance! Do they even realise?

I would like to think that most adult men are not that weak and would not succumb to paedophilic behaviour if a child happened to make advances to them. Maybe just maybe someone out there can give the poor girl a hug and tell her she doesn’t need to do this, that sex is NOT all her worth is.

Do I stay or do I go now?

3 Aug

If you have read some of my previous posts you may be aware that I am 24 and living with one of my parents (sigh), and you may also know I recently got a job. If you didn’t well, now you do 😉 .

When I was 18 I ensured I applied to a university in a city far too far away to be able to commute, so that I could initiate moving out, after 3 lovely years of independence as a student, I didn’t have a job to go into and made the decision to temporarily move back to my Mums house while I searched for a job. That was 3 years ago 😦 . My Mum was eager for me to move out, having got used to the idea when I moved out at 18, so I moved in with my Dad.

Ok so I’ve got a job now so what’s the problem, why question if I should stay or if I should go? Well that all boils down to do I rent or do I buy? I would like to own my own property but that would mean staying with my Dad for a few more years to save up money to put down a deposit, if I rent I wouldn’t have spare money to do that. It sounds pretty straight forward and a simple answer, well  not quite.

My urgency to leave is based on several things, one being that having moved out before, I’m used to my own space and independence and it feels odd being in someone else’s space. I have a very awkward relationship with my parents in general but especially with my Dad, it might have to take a few more posts to be able to explain the context of that. My Dad wasn’t around for the majority of my teenage years and from a distance when he was, he also has some issues which makes him express how much he hates me for being born on a daily basis, though it might sound like it, he isn’t mentally unstable, well as far as diagnosis goes. Yea if you haven’t already guessed from that, my childhood wasn’t too great. Anyway so I have those emotional issues to deal with. In addition to that, as my Dad wasn’t around much when I grew up and not having other older children that have gone through the gradual freedom, he still treats me like I’m 13, so gets in a odd mood if I were to be back too late, or if I wanted to leave the house in the evening e.g 6:00 pm. Considering I grew up in a household were my Mum literally let me do as I pleased when I was young its strange to feel restrictions at 24, be it non verbal, but restrictions none the less. As sweet as it is, my Dad will cook for me everyday and ask me what I’m doing if I start to cook, I miss my own damn food!!! How ungrateful does that sound, but to have South Asian food everyday when your not used to South Asian food can get a bit how shall I put it, irritable. Having had such independence from my early teens without choice, its difficult now to in reverse have things done for me and not be able to do as a I please. Which makes me think that perhaps it would be better to rent for a little while and save a little slower. Then comes in the South Asian mentality, “Why do you need your own place? Renting is a waste of money” but on the other hand frequent suggestions made to go get married and move out 😐 . WTF?! I don’t get it, you don’t want me here, but you don’t want me to move out, but you do if someone sweeps me away.

Why don’t I just leave, I’m an adult, I’ve only been living with him for a year? I DON’T KNOW!! Perhaps because of the awkwardness of our relationship I wouldn’t want to put added strain on it by ignoring him and going and just doing as a please. I really would like to be able to buy a property, I understand that renting is just lining someone else’s pocket with not much gain for me, but at the cost of my sanity. I am aware how ungrateful I sound, but it eats at me, as much as I try to ignore it, the little digs hurt, being told your hated by an absentee father kind of grinds on you after a while, if the childhood issues of not having a Dad weren’t enough. Do I stay? Do I go? What kind of sane person stays where they are hated? I get frustrated that I don’t spend enough of my life doing the things I want to do, would I want to waste a few more years of independence? Does it really matter? Its so frustrating, sometimes I think maybe I’m being petty, other times I count down the days of how much more I will need to endure. But the countdown ran out, do I start a new one?